Kenders' Musings

Michael Schiavo found dead, called suicide.

AP St. Petersburg FL

Michael Schiavo, husband of disabled woman Terri Schiavo, was found dead in an apparent suicide early this morning. He died of asphixiation after duct taping his head to the tailpipe of his car with his mouth completely around the tailpipe.

He was found by a group of teenagers and ther dog who had been snooping around town lately looking into a local mystery, The Case of the Missing Conscience. The Case of the Missing Conscience began a few years ago and coincidentally Schiavo was a major suspect in the disappearence.

Police are saying that he must have been very desperate to commit suicide as he somehow managed to tape his hands behind his back after he taped his head to the exhaust pipe. It took paramedics 45 minutes to cut away the estimated 60 layers of tape that Schiavo wrapped around his head while the engine was running.

Said a local officer who requested that his name be withheld, "That man was very serious about commiting suicide. He must have been sucking on that hot exhaust pipe for ten minutes to wrap his head with that many layers of duct tape and to think that he next secured his hands so well. This man is the perfect example of determination."

Police at first thought there may be foul play, but a suicide note, printed on a laser printer and signed with an "X", was found at the scene rolled into a PVC tube that Schiavo had rammed into his anus before commiting suicide.

The note read: "I tried to kill my wife, not only in 1990 but many times after that so she couldn't report me. And I would've got away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids."