Kender Uncensored

Sitemeter

Send Me $

Recent Comments

Top Commenters

My Articles at PJ Media

The Imaginary Book

The Drunk Scotsman

The Scotsman

Uncle Kender

Gimme some love

You can email me here

Atom.xml

I am THE
Snarky Kender
of the
TTLB Ecosystem

New Tagline:
"Got Kender?"

Technorati

Technorati search

    There was an error in this gadget

    Warning Will Robinson!

    Feel free to post comments, rants, or even personal attacks. It simply shows your wish for taunting if you do the latter.

    You can say anything you want here. But if you get stupid I reserve the right to point it out, call you lots of inventive names and laugh like hell.

    Blog Archive

    Blogs I Like

    In no particular order):
    Note: "right" either means this blogger is correct or that they lean right. I know what I mean by it. How do you take it?

    The Other Side Of The Street

    New York Liberals that aren't all that bad
    (for NY Libs)
    The name say it all
    (Pissed Liberals)
    Luna Kitten
    See? I told you I had a liberal friend!!!

    Iraqi Blogs

    101st Fighting Keyboardists

    The Wide Awakes

    It's been 3 years....still laughing thru the tears....thanks Mom.....it was a blast
    It's the season where we try
    And find the perfect little gift
    To make our loved ones smile
    Give their hearts a little lift
    Jewelry, games and dolls galore
    Knick knacks, doo dads and the like
    A new train set, some roller skates
    Don't forget the new red bike
    Grandma gets some new plush slippers
    Dad gets yet another tie
    While we hurry to and fro
    And never stop to wonder why
    Why do we run so frantic
    When the greatest gift of all
    Was given to us long ago
    When He was born within a stall
    He came to do the laundry
    Washed the sin right from your soul
    Walked on water, healed the lepers
    Fed the masses with a loaf
    His life gives hope and promise
    Of eternity unbound
    Within His story all the lessons
    Of Salvation can be found
    So as you scurry quickly
    In this season of the cold
    I want you to remember
    The Greatest Story Ever Told
    No gift on Earth can equal
    What the Lord above has done
    He sent us our salvation
    When He Sent His only Son
    So the alleged main shooter at Ft. Hood is a recent convert to islam. I will wager his accomplices are also islamic.  This was a terrorist attack perpetrated by islamic militants embedded in the U.S. military.  How do you think other soldiers will feel having to serve with other muslims who may at any moment decide to go on an allah sanctioned killing spree?

    I now one thing....if I were in the military at this moment I would sleep with one eye open and a gun in my hand if I had muslims in my unit.....religion of peace my ass.
    The left love to say what they do is "for the children." Let me tell you something. Myself, and those of my ilk (conservative-gun-totin'-bible-clinging-freedom-loving-constitution-quotin'-red-white-and-blue-neck
    -flyover-state-patriotic-will-kick-your-patchouli-reeking-ass-for-burning-a flag-in-front-of-us-sons-a-bitches) are doing what we do for OUR children. Not yours. We believe you can raise your limp wristed granola muncher any damned way you want to and we should have the same right.

    We don't care what you want to tell your kid at home but you shouldn't be telling our kids that in school. We don't care about your twisted warped, weak ass, socialist ideas, they were NOT what this country was founded on. This country was founded on the idea of the individual not the collective. You want that? Move to europe and do me a favor, tell them as soon as all you panty-waisted socialist twits get over there the good ol' U.S. of A. will step back and let europe pay for their own national defense and we'll see how long that welfare state lasts.

    I know a bunch of you are thinking America is going the way of europe.

    Think again.

    The leaders in D.C., as many of you have finally (possibly too late) realized are pushing us towards socialism. This infuriates me. It terrifies me. It also gives me courage. I don't have a lot in the world in the way of material possessions. I don't have much money and live (for now) at what would be, if I were alone in this world, a poverty level. What I do have is family and friends which gives me more riches than any king ever knew for I know they stand beside me not because of what I can give them but for who I am.

    Most important to me in this world is my son. My brilliant, precocious son. He has a heart as big as the world, endless potential and a mind that I have learned eclipses that of his mother and I when we were his age. In a world of unbridled freedom and equal opportunity, where he could rise as high as his intellect and ambition could take him he could be an unstoppable force, achieving goals I simply cannot imagine.

    In a world of socialist statism, where the goal is equal outcomes, not equal opportunity, he will be hobbled, constrained by the natural order of people not as intelligent or ambitious or even as lucky as others who are raised up artificially by a government led not be the tenets of Liberty but by the tenets of "fairness."

    This shall not happen on my watch and if it does it won't be because I sat around unwilling to back my words with actions, letting the sacrifices of better men who have gone before me meaningless and allowing my son to live in a world where freedom is simply an abstract concept.

    I will NOT let these socialist bastards steal my country and my liberty without a fight. We are quickly approaching the time when words will be useless and sides must be chosen. Either one believes in the greatness of the human spirit unbridled to lift themselves up or they believe we are incapable and simply subjects of those who would "lead" us as lambs are led to slaughter.

    Call me an extremist, call me a terrorist or call me a patriot, by your words will I know where you stand. By your words will I know whether you are friend or foe. By your words shall you live or die a free man beside me or a slave to tyrants.

    By your words.
    When the last flag is folded
    The last soldier laid to rest
    The final battle fought
    And we've passed the final test
    When the last poppy withers
    In the grass of Flanders Field
    When the last man surrenders
    When the last soldier yields
    When the wars have all ended
    When peace reigns supreme
    When the guns have fallen silent
    When the world is serene
    When we know of no more bloodshed
    And we learn to live as one
    Using words to settle things
    Instead of using guns
    We'll know we fought the good fight
    Paid the price the piper said
    Giving honor to our fallen
    Singing songs about our dead
    We'll build cairns to those old soldiers
    Make their grave a hallowed ground
    And swear we're done with fighting
    When the last note sounds
    The night grows cold as soldiers wait
    For our charge will start at dawn
    Only time will tell our fate
    If we will die or live on
    The horses stamp their feet upon
    Frozen winter ground
    Our general has brought us here
    Where destiny is found
    Our names they do not matter much
    Nor the war in which we fight
    The battle we are in is the same
    By dawns cool early light
    Through eras have we fought this war
    With musket, sword and gun
    We've died a warriors lonely death
    Neath countless noonday suns
    Our honor is for us alone
    As our blood stains the earth
    But we live on in stories told
    Around a blazing hearth
    So sing our song of battle lust
    Speak well of our brave deeds
    The tales of glory for our sons
    Will plant the fertile seeds
    To grow the noble patriots
    So Freedom will not wane
    So raise the lads to fight for us
    Or we'll have died in vain


    Click on the title of the post to be taken to Moonbattery for the funny Olympdick logo.



    Click on the title of the post or the image (or click here) and go to the site to order one!

    This is so true..."liberals" have morphed by definition into totalitarian idiots.
    If a conservative doesn’t like guns, they don’t buy one. Since a liberal doesn’t like guns, then no one should have one.

    If a conservative is a vegetarian, they don’t eat meat. If a liberal is, they want to ban all meat products for everyone.

    If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy. A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

    If a conservative is homosexual, they quietly enjoy their life. When a liberal is homosexual, they loudly demand legislated respect.

    If a black man or Hispanic is conservative, they see themselves as independently successful. Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.

    If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him..

    If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels. Liberals demand that those they don’t like be taken off the air.

    If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church. When a liberal is a non-believer, he wants all churches to be silenced.

    If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.. When a liberal decides he needs health care, he demands that his neighbors pay for his.

    That little bit of reality is brought to you by Carolyn Hileman at The Voice.

    There was a time in the not-so-distant past when "liberal" meant "anything goes" - "love the one you're with" - "free love" and all that. Those were the days when I personally thought liberals just wanted to be perpetual adolescents. Not anymore - the whole ideology has taken on a creepy feel to it. Now instead of mere irresponsibility, we've added government as the parent - the police - the overseer of your life. Because, I guess, the assumption is people are too dumb to make their own decisions. But when looking at Pelosi and those who are in charge of making the decisions...I shudder as I watch what they're doing; and my stomach gets literally queasy when I think of what lies ahead.
    In my dreams I hear
    The roar and screams of battle
    In my dreams I hear
    A brave soldiers lone death rattle
    In my dreams I hear
    The sound of scared men praying
    In my dreams I hear
    Taps a-sadly playing
    In my dreams I hear
    The Minute Men a-callin'
    In my dreams I hear
    The millions who have fallen
    In my dreams I hear
    The whispers in the night
    Your freedom is a precious thing
    So don't give up the fight
    In my dreams the soldiers speak
    Of lives they gave for me
    In my dreams I thank them for
    The gift of being free
    In my dreams I hear the words
    A lonely plaintive sound
    In my dreams I whisper back
    I will not let you down
    Click Here!



    I am actually making money using this to use twitter to sell things online....who knew it could work.
    Dear Obama Supporter,

    Now that your President is in office and you have gotten to see exactly what he stands for and what he is about I have a small request. You see, Obama's Spread the Wealth policies are, due to the size of government, a bit slow and I am not going to get anything from Obama spread my way for awhile. That's where you come in.

    Flatly put I want you to prove your dedication to Obama's spread the wealth policy and give me money. Sure, I didn't and will do nothing to earn your money, but that is not the point is it? The point is to spread the wealth around. It doesn't matter how much you spread either, although 10% would be a good start but I would feel like a church if you did that so let's say 40% of what you make. Too much? How about 50%?

    Seriously...if you believe in these policies put your money where your mouth is and use the donate button in the left hand column and show me the money. I promise all funds will be used to prop up the economy at the local bar and gun store and my brother has even pledged to use some of these funds to help support several single mothers.

    Balls in your court. Thanks for your support
    We met in the ether of cyberspace,
    sarcastic flirts on a facebook page
    Sadness profound tinged your words tart
    In them I heard the death of a heart
    My heart laid on a soul shattered badly
    Which caused my words to be spoken sadly
    Within those curt words of loss and betrayal
    You sensed a heart striving, refusing to fail
    You lifted my up with love sweetly kind
    Causing my heart to emit a faint shine
    Here, you whispered, it's not truly broke
    AS it shone in the past should give us some hope
    Hearts such as these never really die
    The soul deep within them will always try
    So you raised me up as I did for you
    Our love like sunflowers quickly grew

    Always searching for the brightside
    Our love it pounds as storm tossed sea tide
    Strong and steady eternal grace
    As form one life to next we race

    Eternal love my soul to yours
    From mountaintops to scottish moors
    From era to era year to year
    Losing us our only fear
    Life to life we play this game
    Sometimes obscure sometimes in fame
    But when the game is done at last
    And before heavens host we stand
    The angels chorus will raise on high
    A song of envy and lost pride
    For surely no heavenly host exists
    Who owns a love as deep as this
    and history will sing of Kenders heart
    How he and his angel could not be apart
    And the legends of love will bow before
    The Queen of the Heart and Kender her Lord
    if you have 6 teeth, a googly eye and a 4th grade education you probably aren't gonna get far in life...and I always wondered how someone with 6 teeth didn't drool all the time...

    I am looking forward to long island...

    I cant believe how much I am on stage this year...

    I also cant believe I get to perform at the laugh factory in hollywood...

    Florida was a great time and I am looking forward to the next trip there...

    I think I have finally decided on what bike I am getting next week...

    They made the L.A. County fair longer this year which means more money for me...

    I am also looking forward to the run of faire coming up...I think I have 3 shows a day...

    The Dallas show may be postponed...

    The Chicago one wont be...

    Nor will Ohio or San Francisco...

    My Riverside fans are now sending me their poetry...

    I want to go ice skating with Shel again...

    The latest article I sold is about facebook...

    Cowardice pisses me off...

    I think the state should go after deadbeat dads girlfriends too...

    The concept of a mental midget in a family of intelligentsia would make a good sitcom...is "intelligentsia" too big a word for someone with an IQ of 80?

    I think the part of the patriot act that connected states, so if you owe money to one state none of the states will issue you a license for anything is a good thing...

    I think they should lock deadbeat dads in jail...

    I know a dead beat dad...and aside from the state he owes many people mucho dinero...they'll never see it though because, well, he's a deadbeat...funny thing about that is, the ways the laws are set up he will never be able to get out from under it...and will die broke after ruining countless more lives...I think it will make a good movie....we could call it the good, the stupid and the broke-ass-deadbeat dad.

    We can get the kid that played Corky to play the dead beat dad...but he's gonna need to dumb it down a bit, because frankly a guy with downs syndrome is simply smarter than the deadbeat dad I know...

    Even if he doesn't drool...
    Early (way too early) this morning, my dog decided to kill a skunk. Oh, the humanity! My first instinct was to just throw it in the trash. It really, really, really stunk. So, I thought about it, and horribly thought, "Gee, I should call animal control to get rid of this thing."

    I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry. I have learned, and I promise I will never, ever do so again.

    So, I called animal control, and the moron who answered the phone blathered on until he talked to "an officer." Then he said that the officer would be out "to investigate." She came out (about 8 hours later) and took a report. Yes, the dog had a current rabies shot. No, I don't know anything about the skunk. Sure, go ahead and send the head off for rabies check. Everything was fine.

    Three hours later, the phone rang.

    The "investigator" was calling. She suddenly explained that they were not going to send the head off to determine if it had rabies (I didn't care, because the dog had his shots). But, oh, by the way -- I had three days to get a booster shot for the dog. And by the way, on Monday (this all happened on Saturday), the department would be following up to check on the rabies information I had provided them.

    In other words, the call, as I interpreted it:

    "You have three days to pay money to get another state-mandated shot, despite already having the state-mandated shot. If you do not, you will be jailed. And we are going to investigate you on Monday to determine if you already have the state-mandated shot. If the number you provided us does not match our records, we will also jail you."

    Holy friggin crap.

    I plan on doing not a damn thing on Monday. I already vaccinated my damn dog. If the damn vaccination isn't any good, why the hell did I vaccinate the dog? If the damn state wants to come take my dog, I will resist them. If they want to friggin arrest and jail me for not paying for a "booster" shot for the damn vaccination I already paid a state-mandated fee for, they can damn well arrest me. If the sorry-ass "animal investigator" calls me, I'm not answering the damn phone. If the sheriff shows up, he can stand outside and suck eggs until he breaks down my damn door over a damn "booster" shot.

    Government really, really sucks. I've always known it, but this is more than enough for me. I've known government sucks, but this is I guess what it takes to make it personal.

    I have to classify myself as an anarchist, if this is what government looks like.
    the imaginary book
    Seems I have a couple of new british fans from a board that is not taking new members. This means of course I cannot chat with them. I was going to toss up a short bit of verse for them, but really dont feel like putting the energy into clever word play about cigarettes and homosexuals....at the end of the day they happen to be wankers of the sort who live in grimy flats and probably smoke like a frenchmen (holding their smoke in a most "faggy" manner) and smell like an italian whore...or their mothers...but I repeat myself.

    So chris and ashles, thank you for stopping by. If you make it to L.A. feel free to stop by the laugh factory in hollywood when I am on stage and dont forget to pick up a copy of my book on your way out....I might even be nice enough to sign it for you.
    Soaring Heart

    Like a hawk
    On an updraft
    Swift, rising
    World opening
    As a flower
    On a summers morn
    Does
    My heart soar..
    As cool water
    Cascading
    Riotous in the tumult
    Of your absence
    Serene in the gentleness
    As you lay beside me
    Does your love carve
    Your name upon my heart
    Deeper as it runs
    Swift and true
    Marking forever
    The landscape of my soul
    With you
    And your love
    We listen to folks
    Say everyday
    Don't worry about it
    It'll be ok
    As the bailouts fly
    More money is spent
    While regular folks
    Barely make the rent
    Fifty two million
    Cast a vote
    For a jug eared fool
    Who's a shady joke
    Now many of you
    Have rightly concluded
    The democrats
    Are just deluded
    You cannot fix
    This mess of ours
    Nationalizing banks
    And makers of cars
    We need some fiscal
    Common sense
    No more sitting
    On the fence
    It's time to tell
    Those lazy jerks
    Get off your ass
    Get back to work
    No one owes you
    Nothing bub
    But liberty
    And here's the rub
    The things you need
    To live your life
    A house, a car
    A lovely wife
    A job, some food
    Healthcare too
    To get these things
    It's up to you
    When these you get
    From Uncle Sam
    You steal our freedom
    It's just a sham
    The money I make
    Should belong to me
    To save or spend
    It's mine you see
    So take this warning
    Heed it well
    Your bailout plan
    Was made in hell
    Those who voted
    For this thief
    Will soon wake up
    And learn of grief
    When liberty's gone
    And we're all slaves
    We'll beg for death
    And an early grave
    So what will we give
    For freedoms life
    Are we willing
    To sacrifice
    Our fortunes, our honor
    Even our lives
    Knowing before
    Great men did strive
    And spill their blood
    For liberty
    How far will you go
    I know for me
    No cost too high
    No price too steep
    To live in freedom
    And not as sheep
    What price my friends
    What will it be
    To live as slaves
    Not I says me
    Rally up lads
    The pipes are callin
    And some of us
    Will sure be fallin
    But when we water
    Libertys tree
    With the blood of friend
    And foe you see
    She grows much larger
    Her roots go deep
    While 'neath her
    Many brave men do sleep
    We meet at dawn
    The field to take
    So find your heart
    For Freedoms sake
    The shot heard round the world
    Led to freedom ringing clear
    We've kept the fire burning bright
    For two hundred plus years
    Now the tide has turned agin us
    Our freedom is being sold
    Where is the courage we once had
    The patriots so bold?
    A once great country gasps her last
    She withers in the field
    While government as cancer grows
    Lady Liberty does yield
    So is this it? oh shall we quit?
    Should freedom fade away?
    Is this the final curtain call
    Has freedom seen its day?
    HELL NO I say as I rise up
    My rifle in my hand
    I'll not lose my liberty
    I'll not lose my land
    So stand with me brave patriots
    Against the rushing tide
    No longer shall we silent stand
    No longer will we hide
    No longer will their words hold sway
    No longer will they steal
    The freedom God has given us
    No longer will we yield
    We stand atop the parapets
    Our trumpets blowing loud
    To spread the truth of Freedoms Call
    Throughout the gathering crowd
    Grab your coat, pick up your gun
    Take up the battle cry
    Be ready for the coming war
    And keep your powder dry

    Kender MacGowan
    3-18-2009
    It's St. Pats day so have an ale
    Or some Irish whiskey straight
    And before the devil knows you're dead
    May ye be at heavens gate
    Drink up and sing of Danny Boy
    And curse the English way
    You'll never get no better folks
    You're all Irish today
    Tis a long way to tipperary
    Or so the mintrel sings
    Tis long way to ulster town
    Lest you are blessed with wings
    Tis a long way from birth to death
    If a lucky clean life ya lead
    Tis a long way from few to plenty
    If ye dont plant the seed
    Long travels I have roved thru lass
    Long years upon the road
    The longest trip a man can take
    Is to a heart I'm told
    But precious life has blessed to me
    The knowledge of the heart
    No matter the length of the road to your love
    Its a short road to be apart
    So tread softly and treat 'em right
    Say nuthin to upset 'em
    For if you anger a sweet colleen
    You'll never get to wed 'em
    I can now be found at the new dig for Kenders...click post title to be redirected

    http://kender.wordpress.com/

    Please make a note of it
    Breitbarts article on Big Hollywood ridiculing celebrities for making a pledge to better the world and work with our new messi-I mean president after spending 8 long years denigrating the former President and making anyone who supported him want to strangle them for their arrogant stupidity is a work of genius, of course, because well, it's Breitbart. But he inspired me to put together my own pledge list, and the video version will hopefully be out soon.

    I pledge to give as much of a chance to Obama as his sycophantic cultic moonbat contingent gave Bush for eight years

    I pledge to contribute to global warming

    I pledge to increase foreclosures on the unwashed masses

    I pledge to exploit the poor and the weak

    I pledge to grind my heel into the working mans back

    I pledge to tell more racist jokes

    I pledge to hire more illegals, and screw American workers

    I pledge to pay my illegal workers lower wages

    I pledge to destroy the environment

    I pledge to club more baby seals

    I pledge to wear more fur

    I pledge to eat more meat

    I pledge blindly hate people not like me

    I pledge to be greedier

    I pledge to be meaner

    I pledge preach at you more, and tolerate you less

    I pledge to work for war, because there is no money is peace

    I pledge to laugh at stupid celebrities who think pledges will change the world

    I pledge to be more close minded, spout more platitudes and believe in utterly empty kumbuy-friggin-yah measures while the wolves howl at the door.

    What’s your pledge?

    I pledge to treat their president as they treated mine, to treat them as they treated us, because together we can, together we are and together we will be following sheep.


    What's your pledge?
    PETA’s call to remake the image of fish by changing their name to “sea kitten” — a cuddly and adorable moniker to be sure — got me to thinking. Men have many euphemisms for female private parts, some nice some not. Renaming fish to sea kittens, while a warm and fuzzy thought, causes many problems and has the potential to sow massive confusion in the world where euphemisms regarding women are concerned.

    First off, I am wondering, if we change the name of fish to sea kittens will we have a nickname for fish as we do for land cats? Land cats (for those who may live under a rock or are completely obtuse) are also called pussycats. I am certain I don’t have to lay out the obvious thought following the preceding one other than to say a whole new world opened up before me with PETA’s latest campaign.

    The problems start with men and where our brains are located. Many women believe we tend to think with our stomachs. Other females believe our thought processes emanate from a little lower on the male anatomy. For us males, the prospect of confusing the pleasurable past time of fishing and eating fish with the sometimes equally gratifying diversion of lovemaking will no doubt cause our brains to cramp up and our heads to explode, thus denuding planet Earth of males capable of reproducing.

    But simply calling fish something cutesy sounding won’t change the fact that they are still slimy, pointy-headed, bug-eyed but tasty creatures. It’s the confusion sown by this radical change that will no doubt make speaking about carnal delights and lunch even more interchangeable and take the connection between them to a rhetorical level never before imagined except in the minds of perhaps Larry Flynt or Camille Paglia.

    I am thinking a sea kitten sandwich sounds much more exotic than a “Filet-O-Fish,” but a seapussy sandwich is in the realm of the unknown. What about catfish? Would it now be catkitten? Or catpussy maybe? It’s probably a good thing former major league pitcher James “Catfish” Hunter has left this world otherwise he would have to be known as “Catkitten” Hunter — not the kind of nickname that would ordinarily land one in the Hall of Fame. And what about SpongeBob’s loyal sidekick Patrick the Starfish? Would he now be known as Patrick the Star-Seakitten? Or the Star-Seapussy cat?

    New troubles also arise in the world of sport fishing. When a man tells his wife he is going trolling, she’ll look askance at him while making certain he takes the boat with him when he leaves the house. After all, if you say you are heading out to go “kittening” and tell the wife you will be bringing some seapussy home for dinner, well, I can see the trouble brewing now with PETA’s misguided attempt to save the animals, even the tasty ones. Try it on your wife tonight and see what happens.

    Other possible changes are whitefish being known as white kitten (whitepussy being trademarked by the aforementioned Mr. Flynt) and swordfish becoming sword kittens, which sounds a lot like some dagger-weilding, anime superhero. The problem of walking into a pet store and asking for kitten food is going to cause confusion not seen since Clinton muttered something about what the definition of “is” is.

    On the other hand, I envision a whole new industry of sea kitten recipe books. The Brits would also have a grand time with this change of nomenclature. A nation that eagerly scarfs down seapussy and chips at lunch every day may actually help bring about world peace. Millions of kids eating seapussy sticks for school lunch, however, are certain to get Dobson and his bunch in an uproar.

    Another great angle to this whole insane plan is the phrase “fishing expedition” to denote someone who is simply “casting about” in hopes of finding incriminating evidence. The phrase “sea kitten expedition” is simply too unwieldy, but the phrase “sea pussy expedition” makes it sound as it you are searching for lustful mermaids.

    By far the most egregious changes which will take place must be the ones to be foisted on us when churches everywhere start giving sermons about the loaves and the seakitten. No matter how awkward the phrase, get used to it because no preacher in his right mind is going to do a sermon on the loaves and the seapussies. (If you hear of one, let me know. Now that’s a sermon I don’t want to miss.)

    This is obviously not a well thought out plan by the radical anti-people screwballs, and to tell you the truth, the concept of renaming fish as sea kittens has me laughing so hard I can barely type. It also makes me wonder if anyone at PETA gave an ounce of serious thought before saying, “Hey, yeah, let’s try to get people to associate fish with kittens.” However, that is not really the worst of it.

    The worst comes when we get stuck on stupid and let a bunch of misguided goofballs start making us feel guilty for eating ugly animals that taste good in some sad attempt to save the planet. God gave us ugly animals so we wouldn’t feel bad about eating them. That’s a fact. It’s in the Bible somewhere.

    At the end of the day I only have two questions running through my head. First, if sea kitten tastes so good might not land kitten be tasty also? And second, where can I go to get a tuna seapussy taco?
    Romans 12:19 (King James Version) says;

    "Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."

    In these troubled times, friend, the Lord, like most large corporations is outsourcing some of the more tedious work and we here at Holy Vengeance Inc are proud to be the exclusive contractor for the King of Kings when it comes to Vengeance.

    When it comes to smiting for vengeance only the Big Guy himself can do it better. Our many years of experience in the Vengeance industry is proven by our track record and the many many people whose lives we have completely ruined who never had a clue it was us. You really thought O.J. did it didn't you? Nope...that was us. Flo-Jo? Us again. jilted lovers and angry neighbors have been coming to us for years, and now you should too.

    Once Vengeance of this caliber was reserved for the rarefied level of society of major celebrities and sports stars, but because of a special offer we made with the Big Guy Himself we are now able to offer vengeance packages starting so low you will wonder why you haven't smote that smart ass jerk in accounting yet.

    Our array of products range from the economical to the extravagant, so whether you just want to get back at that coworker who just grates on your nerves the wrong way or completely destroy the life of an ex and their new fling we got you covered.

    Starting with our "A Pox On You" package at $69.95 you can have little annoyances tossed at the object of your ire in as little as ten minutes. If it's really serious go with our 7 Plagues Package, guaranteed to get the object of your anger time in a state pen and a lifetime commitment of registering as a sex offender (offer not valid against targets who are elected officials in the Democrat party).

    So whether its just that stupid bitch a the office or that jerkass dill weed sunuvabitch that ran off with your best friend give us a call at 900-FUCK-YOU and start smiting today.