Kenders' Musings

Imagine this:

You work for a large company, for example, Weyco, and that company tells you that you cannot smoke, even on your own time, in the privacy of your own home, and if you do you will be fired.

It happened.

Now let's look at the new "Wal-Mart Law" in Maryland, that mandates that employers pay 8% of their payroll to healthcare costs or pay the difference to the states fund for healthcare for the poor.

You have a group of employees that you are now forced, by law, to pay for their healthcare, and they keep on dragging their fat, lazy asses in and smoking on their breaks, sitting out front sucking down soda-pops and scarfing nacho cheese doritos by the big economy sized bag that you sell them, at an employee discount.

It occurs to you that if they didn't smoke they would be be healthier, using less in healthcare benefits, taking less sick days and maybe even working harder and faster since they wouldn't get winded waddling down the aisle to misdirect some schlub that couldn't find butter flavored crisco.

So now, with precedent set by a company such as Weyco, you tell your fat, lazy employees that they can no longer smoke, and testing will be implemented to make certain of that.

But why stop there?

A diet low in fat and high in fiber is healthy for you, right? So you hire yourself a private force of "compliance officers" and make a stipulation of employment be random checks of employee houses to make sure that healthy diets are being adhered to by your soon to be slimmer employees.

But why stop there?

Excercise is healthy, right?

So you put in a gym, hiring someone to run it, and mandate that part of the workday will be a certain amount of time on a treadmill or other cardio fitness regime.

But why stop there?

Sleep is very important to good health and a well rested worker is a productive worker, right?

So you make sure that your employees are outfitted with tracking devices that monitor their vital signs, hooked to computer programs that notify you when an employee appears to be up for too long, or comes into work with out the required eight hours of rest.

But why stop there?

Nobody wants to shop at a store with sweaty, smelly employees, so you mandate showertime too. Right after that treadmill time.

Hey, they're your employees, and your companies success depends on your employees being the best they can be, so you have every right to monitor their lifestyle and dictate their behavior.

Every right.

It's your money paying for their lifestyle choices.

Shouldn't those lifestyle choices get you the most for your money?

Don't you have a right to make certain that your companies bottom line is protected from needless waste and the bad choices of your employess?

After all, you are paying for them, so in essence, you own them.

And since you own them, much like a car, you get to decide what gas goes in, how fast they go and how many times a week they get cleaned out.

And much like a car, when they no longer perform you can trade them in for a younger, faster, sleeker car, or one that gets better mileage and is more dependable.

The bottom line is since you are paying for them, you own them, and since you own them, they have no rights anymore, and since they have no rights anymore they can't complain.

You have 'em by the short hairs.

Take advantage of it while it lasts.

Enjoy it.

Because once someone remembers the Thirteenth Amendment your free ride is over.


Ogre has some thoughts along these lines