Kenders' Musings

I really can't watch Bryant Gumbel.

It's not because I don't find him engaging, although I really don't. He is what real black folks call "an oreo cookie", black on the outside and white on the inside.

It's not because I don't think he is intelligent, he may very well be intelligent, or he may have great writers that make him seem intelligent.

No, I can't watch him because, well, he is black.

That's right, I said it. He's black and has no business reading us any kind of news, regardless if it is about sports, and sports that blacks play at that.

Really, he has no business getting on TV and showing off his reading ability....that is the hallmark of an uppity...."African-American".

And no, this has nothing to do with Gumbels remarks that the Winter Games look like a GOP convention.

This also has nothing to do with Gumbels saying "try not to laugh when someone says these are the world’s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks", because really, he has a point.

Just like I have a point when I mention that the Summer Olympics remind me of a drive through South Central L.A., with blacks running by real fast. In fact, let's add some realism into the Summer Olympics, and up the speed of the runners at the same time.....give those blacks that run races a TV to carry.....and have a cop or twelve chase after 'em....maybe with a police dog....and run 'em at night......under the spotlight from a "ghetto bird", otherwise known as a helicopter.

Show us what those "real athletes" are made of.

Of course, anyone who has seen Bryant Gumbel in action was had to wonder if he was actually white, and with the upcoming debut of "Black. White." showing us how it can be done, a case can be made that Gumbel has, indeed, employed top notch makeup artists throughout his whole career to give himself a leg up in the job department under some affirmative action program.

How else do you explain such a boring, vanilla, droning announcer not only getting a job at a major network, but keeping it?

Tell you what Bryant, anytime you feel froggy, strap on some skates or some skies, or grab a snowboard or a skeleton and hit the slopes. Ask Bode for some tips, or see if Shaun White, aka The Flying Red Tomato can give you some pointers on how to pull off a "Haaken flip" or maybe show you the simple movements involved in successfully executing a "McTwist".

It should be easy for you, what with you being "black" and all.....that means you are a "real athlete" by simple grace of your skin pigment....right?

Then again, you might want to start out a little slower...like, maybe with these fellows here.