Kenders' Musings

Blogger Sucks. For the past three weeks or so it has been sucking wind like some jihadi with a field introduced ventilation port through his thorax, and I for one am getting real tired of it. I can't even post anything today.

This is ridiculous. If I were able to post I have a great story about an author from the Netherlands that wrote a book called "Jihadi Joe, Why Islam Will Take Over the World" wherein he urges everyone to dump their stocks in toilet paper companies, and buy shares in Suha Arafats new company, "The Kafiyyeh House".

Another story I wanted to bring you, if I could have gotten into my dashboard and posted something, is Ohios' attempt to annex North Holloywood, Ca. in an attempt to bring in more tourism dollars. A spoksman for Ohio, Richard "Red" Pettilongston said "Face it, tourism sucks here, we only have two major cities I think, and Cleveland pretty much sucks. I mean, have you BEEN to Cleveland? I haven't."

In another story that you probably should see today the state of Washington considered ceding the union to join Canada. When Canada heard about it they rejected the plan immediately and considered sending two dozen Mounties to shore up the defense of the border with Washington, however with the entire Mountie force concentrated on the border of Wa. the Canadian government began to worry about an invasion of donut starved New Yorkers, who have been guilted into forgoing the tasty treats by rabid health conscience leftists that claim donuts are a "red state food" and amke you fat.

The anti donut group is rumored to be funded by bagel bakers and deli owners, and that theory gained soem ground with their new slogans: "Donuts Kill!" and "What Gout??" Donut shop owners in New York state have petitioned the state government for emergency relief and hired a the PR firm that made GreenPeace and PETA look sensible in the early 80's to help shore up their declining sales base.

Analysts in the donut industry believe this is a good strategy in the short run, but think that in the long run donuts shop owners could be seen as extreme as those in GreenPeace and PETA.

Congress, upon hearing the news that Washington wished to cede to Canada began drafting a bill to sell Washington state to Canada, with unidemtified sources in DC saying "We really don't need Washington state, we only kept it around for the tourism dollars and to look good to the "Lumberjack Lesbian" demographic, but now that we know they don't vote "red" Canada can have it."

Many other "blue states" that border Canada have taken notice of this and are enacting measures to stem what they see as a coming tide of states being sold to Canada, probably at bargain prices. New York Governor George Pataki said "We really don't want to be sold to Canada, as right now we have beter health care than they do, and I think Congress should look at the fact that most of the state voted "red", so if anything gets sold to Canada, it should be New York City."

The qouted price was said to be one USD, but the Canadian government has drafted emergency legislation of their own stating that not only do they have no need for lumberjack lesbians, but one USD, after dealing with their onerous health care system bills, would bankrupt them.



These were some of the stories I wanted to bring you today, if Blogger had been up and running better. Maybe tomorrow I will be able to post something.