Kenders' Musings

So, now that I have tossed back a beer, belched, scratched and rearranged the package, I fired up the jukebox and got some Rodney Carrington playing I can tell one of the secrets of The Sisterhood.

The Sisterhood is that club that women are automatically a member of once they "Grow Up", and the older they get the more indepth they go.......about their sex life.....with their girlfriends.........ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!

Now I have learned that there is a natural hierarchy in any group of girls, and it is rare for any group to have to have an unchallenged "queen" of the group, unless that group is entirely made up of fag-hags, but that is another story.

Each group of women has an avowed queen for several different catagories. Shopping, Worst Taste in Men, Shoe Whore, a Queen of Easy, her antithesis The Ice Queen, a Diet Queen.....you name it and most groups of women that are friends will have quite a few queen titles within it, sometimes with one woman holding several titles at once. For instance, The Queen of Shopping is almost always the Shoe Whore too.

Now, one of the little known titles is The Queen of NOHEDIDN'T!!!!

The woman that holds that title is the one with the latest horror story from the bedroom.

These little groups of women will discuss in the most minute detail their sex lives.

Boys, your womans friends know EVERY DETAIL about yoru sex life.

Size.

Frequency.

Pecadillos.

Gentlemen....your womans friends know details about your sex life that you wouldn't scrawl in crayon in gibberish to an illiterate anonymous therapist in another galaxy.

What's more, they come home and tell their men what is happening in THEIR friends bedrooms, sometimes leading to uncomfortable meetings with men that may have once been your friends, but you cannot look them in the eye now that you know their girlfriend/wife, who was at your house for dinner lat night, calls them Tiny Tim the Bug Bangin' Minute Man.

I have actually had to stop going to one friends house for parties and bar-b-qs because I heard about his zeal, his horrid aim and a sprain caused by a bathroom counter......I am sorry I cannot look a man in the eye when I know THAT!!!


Now.....I want you to think about this.....does your woman occassionally tell you "funny" stories about what suzie did when john got his wheezer stuck in a pump and had to be taken to the ER?

If you aren't hearing these stories then your women is The Queen of NOHEDIDN'T!!!!

And your womans friends AND their boyfriends/husbands know all about your exploits and embarrassment in your pitiful attempt at being a MAN!!!!

Fortunately there IS a solution.

Anytime you feel amorous, be absolutely certain to give your woman nothing to complain about.....work that ass brother, and do your best to put her head through a wall......she may holler alot but it is an injury that she will be proud of and smirking about all the next day, and maybe for the better part of a week.

Of course there is still the standard man response to sex.

"Hey, as long as I get my cookie."