Kenders' Musings

I am reposting this because the HTML from the newsletter that wonkied up my site has me needing a bit of levity. The following is a true story, and a damned funny one at that. Just yesterday I found out that Jerry Doyle has used the atheist argument as well. Seems I am in good company.

Linked to the title is the story of San Francisco wanting to ban handguns in the city.

The day this story broke I called the Southern California chapter of the ACLU and, in a voicemail, asked them to march straight up there and sue the hell out of S.F. for being ballsy enough to try to steal our Second Amendment Right to Keep and Bear Arms.

I really didn't expect a return call.

Imagine my surprise when they did indeed call me back.

The conversation wasn't very long. In all fairness it WAS an intern that called me back. He started off by asking me if I still needed their help.
This is an edited version of the conversation, with some boring stuff taken out, and it is as close to verbatim as I can recall it. Although they probably recorded the call and may sue me after this.


Intern: So do you still need our help?

Me: Oh yes, most definitely.

Intern: What can we help with?

Me: I want you guys to grab your lawyers and go stop S.F. from taking away our 2nd amendment rights. They did it in DC and now that is the murder capital of the US, so purely from an economic viewpoint we can't let this happen. S.F. is a huge tourist destination. If tourists started getting shot left and right it may adversely affect the economy in some measurable way. Can you guys do this?

Intern: Well, I can make a note that you called about it.

Me: Good deal. Listen, while I have you on the phone can you tell me if the ACLU has ever defended our 2nd amendment rights?

Intern: I don't really know, but I can look into that and try to get back to you.

Me: You do that. Another thing I was wondering about, since you guys seem to be so good at defending our civil rights and the Constitution and all, maybe you could help me in another matter. You guys are doing a bangup job of getting all references of religion out of our lives, what with working to get crosses off of public land, threatening to sue cities for putting up nativity displays at Christmas time, and stopping little kids from singing songs that have any mention of God in them, so maybe you could help me on this one. You see, crosses have pretty much been claimed by the Christians, and of course the Jews have the Star of David, Islam its' Crescent thing going, and I noticed that we hear alot from the atheists these days, like that one in northern california that is trying to stop Bush from having a prayer at his inauguration, you have heard about that right?

Intern: Yes I have heard of that.

(at this point he is sounding a bit suspicious)

Me: I figure hey, it's his inauguration, if he wants a prayer, hell why not?

Intern: I can see that yes.

Me: Well, anyway, it seems that the symbols of atheists would be nothing, wouldn't you agree with that?

Intern: (warily) Yeeess, ok.

Me: Well, when I don't see a religious symbol of some kind that says there are people that believe in a creator I get offended, so what I would like for you guys to do is to sue the atheists and make them pay to put up religious symbols all over the place. Can you guys do that?

Intern: Weeeelllll.....

Me: I don't really care what religious symbols they are, I just get offended by a lack of them. You see to me it says we are sliding into an abyss where nobody believes in a creator,and that life is truly absurd and it doesn't matter what we do because it is all meaningless, and I think that will lead to a society that is doomed from selfishness and hedonism, kinda' like ancient Rome, and America will be destroyed and fall away just like the old roman empire. You guys don't want America to go the way of the Roman Empire do you?

Intern: Uuummm...no, not really.

Me: O.K. then, so make a note about that too would ya'? Have it say that I want you guys to sue the atheists to force them to put up some kind of religious symbols so I am not offended all the time ok?

Intern: O.K., I'll make a note of it.

Me: Cool. And try to get back to me about the ACLUs' history of defending the 2nd amendment too.

Intern: O.K., I'll look into that.

Me: Cool, thanks for all your help and for calling me back, and God Bless you man.

I don't really expect a second call.