Kenders' Musings

As usual a comment (linked in title)I made somewhere else has inspired me.

So you are all my witnesses.

Here is my living will.

If I am truly brain dead and need a machine to keep me breathing, pull the plug.

If I am conscience and need a machine to keep me breathing let me live.

If I am a vegetable and cannot swallow put in a feeding tube and hire strippers to perfom nonstop at the foot of my bed. They must be the finest strippers that money can buy. Do this, and continue it until I wake up. I require one lap dance an hour, and if you have to, strap me into a chair so I can receive this therapy.

About that feeding tube. I do NOT want to starve to death.

I want to die of old age or obesity, so I demand that if I need a feeding tube inserted I shall receive 5000 calories a day, with all possible measures taken to prolong my life, including open heart surgery and liposuction......in fact liposuction the hell out of me. Open me up and scrape all of the fat cells off of all of my organs.

I want to live.

I also demand sponge baths by Playboy Bunnies in thong bikinis.......topless!!!!! This is not a selfish request, it is THERAPY!!! No self respecting man is going to remain a vegetable while a Playboy Bunny, in a thong bikini and topless while getting a spong bath from one.

I also want 18 year old Glenfiddich put down my throat at least once an hour.....one, no two....NO four, yeah FOUR shots and hour, every other hour, while I am a vegetable. If anything is going to pull me back it will be GlanFiddich and topless Playboy Bunnies in thong bikinis. I promise.