Kenders' Musings

TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE ..... FROM MEN WHO'VE HAD
ENOUGH . . .

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't
ask us. We refuse to answer.

Learn to work the toilet seat. We're not talking
Quantum Mechanics here,
it's a very simple device. If it's up, put it
down.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act
like soap opera guys.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not
quests to see if we can
find the perfect present, again!

If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live
with it.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss
such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation,
or monster trucks.

Weekends equal sports. It's like the full moon or
the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never
going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine.Really.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this
one: Subtle hints don't work.

Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints
don't work. Just tell us what
you want!

No, we don't know what day it is. We never will.
Mark anniversaries on the
calendar.

Peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing
from point blank range.
We're bound to miss sometimes.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes
you think we'd be any good
at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look
good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor. Get over it.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

Check your oil.

It is neither in your best interest nor ours to
take the quiz together. No,
it doesn't matter which quiz.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in
an argument. All comments
become null and void after 7 days.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes
you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Men perve at beautiful women, it's a fact of
life. It's in the genes. It's
also in the jeans.

You can either tell us to do something, OR, tell
us how to do something,
but not both.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have
to say during commercials.

ALL men see in only 16 colours. Peach is a fruit,
not a colour.

If it itches, it will be scratched.

Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for
you.

If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we
will act like nothing's
wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not
worth the hassle.

Women with large breasts who wear push up bras
and low cut, revealing tops
lose their right to complain when men look at
them.