Kenders' Musings

So I have been looking for some old friends. Finally found them (the internet is amazing) and am back in touch with them. She is doing well and her daughter is so grown up and amazingly talented. She's a cutie too. Gonna be trouble now that the guys are poking around too. So I am heading to hang out for a day or two with them, maybe try ice skating again and will be off line for a couple of days it looks like. Hope you guys have a great new years. See ya' next year. (unless I come up with something important to say)

The Christ was born this sacred day
Rejoice hallelujah
The bells ring out and angels wing
Rejoice hallelujah
The choirs voice of Seraphim
Rejoice hallelujah
Sing to His Glory the King of Kings
Rejoice hallelujah

and this one:

Untitled
Raise a glass my dear old friends
Raise a toast on high
For Our holy day is here at last
Christmas Day is nigh
The day of our own saviors birth
Redemptions promise born
Our lives are now made whole again
Our souls no longer torn
Everlasting life is ours
Birthed upon a cross
While in this life we may know death
It’s not the final loss
His life He gave so you may live
No greater love can be
Accept that love with open arms
And heaven you will see

“Does love exist?” asked the wizened old man
who sat at the bar next to me
“I love this beer” I quickly shot back
“What other love could there be?”
“The love” he says “that grabs your heart.
The kind that won’t let go
A love that passes on thru death
And lives forever you know”
Says I “that love lives not in this world friend,
I’m certain it is gone”
“Then come with me” the old man bade
“We won’t be gone too long”
He walked me thru the baby ward
where a mother held her new child
And in her eyes I saw a pure love
which I knew would last more than awhile
He took me to the mission inn
where homeless go to eat
The serving man behind the counter
had rags wrapped round his feet
“Old man” I said “should you not be
the one receiving this fare?”
He smiled a mostly toothless grin
and said “look over there”
I looked to where his ladle showed
a family huddled close
With their meals laid out in front of them
offering up a toast
“To God” they said,
“as He provides for those who need the aid”
To men who help with rag wrapped feet
his thanks he simply bade
Next we went to the grave yard where
an old widow knelt in the dirt
Cleaning the stone laid atop her dear mate
even though her aged knees surely hurt…
He took me aside to a mountaintop
where three crosses stood side by side
And showed me the spot on Jerusalems soil
where for all our sins He did die…
“You see the love that burns beyond our petty lives,
you cannot deny its flame”
And in the shadow of that cross
I hung my head in shame…
The love that burns brightest is the hardest to grab, its for this love He did die…
And I saw the love burn
and I felt my redemption
And in the bright darkness I cried….

Merry Christmas. May God hold you in the palm of his hand. And to all our soldiers not able to make it home this season (snaks this one is for you) Thank you.

goes out...cuz it aint me shoveling snow....everything happens for a reason....

It's snowing here....in the desert...been snowing since about dawn and gonna keep on for many many more hours....take your global warming and shove it ya lying sack...

The last time I lived in this damnable desert here's what I got in November;





Now I wake up to this;







Only four days to Solstice....can't wait for summer....

I watched you walk away today
To go back to his arms
Our time here is so fleeting now
We must not raise alarms
But one day soon the time will come
When you can run away
And I’ll be waiting for your love
Just as I was today

This one is completely her fault....I think

Hearts Revival

He sat alone within the crowd
Which wandered past his chair
He felt invisible to all
Seeming not to care
He sat alone within the crowd
Which bustled gaily by
To watch the world over his cup
While letting his soul die
Most e’ery day ‘twas just like this
He sat alone to see
The never-ending mumbling mass
Of rank humanity
His soul was black within his chest
His heart was full of dread
With every dawn his anger grew
At not waking up dead
He barely noticed those who passed
Until one fateful day
She wandered lithely into view
Bathed in the suns soft ray
She did what others had not dared
She stopped and saw him there
While staring deep into his eyes
His senses screamed beware
Those smoky eyes, her intense gaze
Could be a deadly thing
But not for him he understood
His heart did not love sing
She wandered o’er gracefully
To sit across his bench
Gently asking him his name
His answer made her flinch
I am the death of love, he claimed
I steal away the soul
Of women who consort with me
My heart is made of coal
Then come with me she bade of him
I see the lie within
Your heart lives still and craves the love
Denial is a sin
Against his will, he took her hand
Standing straight and tall
Following those swaying hips
His facade began to fall
She led him to her quiet room
While bolting up the door
She slowly let her clothing drop
Upon the bare wood floor
She smiled shyly as she asked
If he would do the same
His hands they shook as once again
He played the timeless game
The love they shared within her bed
Was gentle, deep and true
Time now passed as only time
Wrapped up in love can do
Many years have passed along
Since that lass noticed me
A truer love I know for sure
Was never, nor could be
So watch the world walk by I say
Watch closely as they pass
You never know when one will come
To prove the perfect lass

She walks along
Alone upon
The quiet midnight streets
She smiles at
The strangers who
By chance she sweetly meets
She walks alone
The whole dark night
Lost in her reverie
She speaks to ghosts
Locked in her heart
Of things which cannot be
She hears the whispers
Of the past
Echo within her mind
With hope she can
Go back again
Her happiness to find
Those lost to her
Speak gentle words
Of love and brighter days
She walks alone
On darkened streets
Locked in her minds dark ways

Your eyes say watch me
Your lips say kiss me
Your hands say hold me
Your words say miss me

I felt like reposting this. My friend Brian Travis has a new CD coming out in a couple of months and I have the honor of being of being on of the few select people receiving previews of the newly remastered songs. Tidal Wave is the first one of that bunch, and is simply a very fitting song, given recent history and I felt it needed reposting. I plan on interviewing BT soon.

I think in the spirit of today I will dedicate this song. The person who it is dedicated to will know it is for them.

Sitting in the sun
Ya' been wasting all the water in the well
Ya let the meter run
Ya been running outta time
That ya can't afford to sell
Once you fell from grace
Can you almost see your face
Can you almost taste the bittersweet salt water
Of that tidal wave?
All the sand beneath your feet
It took a billion years to complete
That hour that you spent
Blowing all you had
In a relative instance
Yeah once you fell from grace
Can you almost see your face
Can you almost taste the bittersweet salt water
Of that tidal wave?
Carefully they'll wash your dreams away
destroy all that you made
turn your castles into sand
disrupt all of your plans
you're not careful its not long before
you're treading water far from shore
Now you're sinking low
You've been thinking about
all the things you're letting go
Made a big mistake this time
all that matters now
Is whatcha gonna do with the rest of your life?
Now you can't replace, recapture or erase
mistakes were made and now there's only music left to face
Once you fell from grace and there's still dreams for you to chase
Can you almost taste the bittersweet saltwater
Can you almost taste the bittersweet saltwater
Of that tidal wave

I adore your gentle hands
The way your cheeks do flush
When words are whispered in your ear
That make you fiercely blush
Shudders course through my dark soul
Whenever you draw near
As soft caresses from sweet lips
Allay my raging fear
Your arms encircle chasing off
The ghosts which haunt my heart
While quiet words of tenderness
Heal what once was torn apart
Your tender eyes which hide such pain
Confront my hesitation
Within those eyes I see such hope
They melt my reservation
My redemption have you brought
With words and gestures bold
My muse you have saved my life from
A death in bitter cold

So all the gays are gonna take the day off and go volunteer to show how vital they are to society.

In other words we get a day without pretentious snots bitching about window treatments and making snide comments about "breeders." We get a day without, what? waiters....interior decorators....male hair stylists (not that a man would know about that since we get our hair cut at a real barber shop, the kind that have nudie mags on the back tables)....maitre d's....I guess West Hollywood will come to a screeching stop.

The best part about the day without a gay is we wont have to listen to Ryan Seacrest babble on about shit.

Now at least these guys are doing something good. They are going to take the day and go do charity work. Not like when we had a Day Without an Illegal when they all marched in the streets and shut down traffic. At least the gay folks are gonna go do some charity work but it makes me wonder...just how many poverty stricken people need their house decorated anyway?

"You have made your bed" is a phrase recurring in my life a lot lately.

It applies to the country voting in Obama. It applies to someone I know.

As for the country I will do what I can to help fix it.

As to that person, I have done what I can, choices were made and I will always regret what has happened.

Someday I hope to look back on this time and be able to say "I helped fix that" and "I am glad things are right again."

I am gonna take a break. No blogging for a few days....no FB, no twitter, no myspace...no checking stats, email or anything else....I am gonna turn off this computer for awhile and find my head....and the other parts of my I seem to have misplaced.

I can't say it any better than this.





Time in a Bottle

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that Id like to do
Is to save every day
Till eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
Id save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
Ive looked around enough to know
That youre the one I want to go
Through time with

If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
Ive looked around enough to know
That youre the one I want to go
Through time with

So life is intensely complicated right now. I find myself in a relationship beset by problems. Hiding ones activities from someone is not something that lends itself to having an easy and enjoyable relationship. Only being able to be someones friend openly for short bursts at certain times in certain places makes for a kind of stress that is both intense and exciting, while being draining and aggravating.

Hopefully this can all change by summer at latest.

First off I want to say thank you so kindly to all who have posted on my wall on facebook (and other places, you know who you are and I am tired of cleaning those comments off of my own bathroom wall) the barrage of well wishes. Today I turn 40. Not a great accomplishment for most. Given that at two and a half years old I was given less than a week to live, I would say 40 is, indeed, one hell of an accomplishment.

Though I am beset what some call major health issues, they never stop me. I hate whiny crybabies who let minor things set them back or keep them from living life as fully as they possibly can and I refuse to be one.

To my old friends, from faire, sfvrc, SPR, WAR, TWA and staclu; thank you for standing by me as you have. You never let me down, never let me quit and have always been there when I needed you most. I hope I have returned the favor when needed.

To the new ones who have been appearing in droves (facebook and twitter are from HELL I tell you) may this be the start of many years of great friendship, hearty laughs and shared adventures.

God Bless you all, and thank you. Now as my gift to you, a bit of doggerel;

For four decades I've trod these boards
Forty years behind this mask
Polite applause, no booing please, a rose is all I ask
For forty years I've been surprised at what life had in store
So here's to watching life unfold
At least for forty more

I live in the land of sunshine and chicks
Of finely made cleavage and movie star dicks
The city it stretches for many a mile
Drive all day long see a thousand fake smiles
From the coast to the mountains it lies like a scar
Where you must ride the bus if you aint got a car
It is peopled with folks from all o'er the place
Of every creed, every country and every race
We got bums who were stars and stars who were bums
Out here enough money turns rivals to chums
We claim the Car Culture and we give you the shows
With weekly cliffhangers to keep you on your toes
We have stars on our sidewalks and pie in the sky
Where a deal is a deal is a deal is a lie
We've got earthquakes and mudslides and large forest fires
You can't hear birds singing for the squeal of the tires
But I wouldn't trade any of this home of mine
From the mountains to seaside she looks mighty fine
From the shores of Redondo on up to the Valley
I love living in this strange place We call Cali

The media empire that is...

The election of Barack Obama was supposed to save the country, cause all of those other countries who spend an inordinate amount of time hating the U.S to love us (even when it was the U.S. which allowed them the ability to be free enough to do so) and usher in an age of "kumbuyah, let's all hold hands and dance around the altar of no more war" bullshit.

Sixty three million people in the U.S. stuck their heads right up their ass and voted for obama's "hope" and "change" and now we have proof of the vapidity of the folks who honestly, really thought if we just elected obama their kumbuy-fucking-yah dreams would coalesce.

PMSNBC daytime anchor Alex witt actually said this;

"you certainly can't expect things to change on a dime overnight....There had been such a global outpouring of affection, respect, hope, with the new administration coming in, that precisely these kinds of attacks, it was thought -- at least hoped -- would be dampered down. But in this case it looks like Barack Obama is getting a preview of things to come."



Now what kind of a retarded, deluded dumbass must one be to actually BELIEVE something as profoundly stupid as the election of barack obama is going to end terror attacks? Second, how in the hell does someone who is so blatantly an utter fucking moron secure a job on a news sho...oh wait...PMSNBC...got it.

To all of you who actually hobbled down to the polls on the 4th of november to cast your ballot for the obamessiah, here's fair warning that the "I Told You So, DUMBASS Cluebat of Truth and Mockery" is going to be used liberally (pun completely intentional) for at least the next four years. If you wish to avoid the beatings email me and I will send you a Silica Umbilcus which will once again allow you to see the world and maybe, just maybe, not have such delusions of epic proportions.

Well that's great cuz I love t-ball.

Fucking LUH-oooozeER!!!