The Imaginary Book
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Warning Will Robinson!
Feel free to post comments, rants, or even personal attacks. It simply shows your wish for taunting if you do the latter.
You can say anything you want here. But if you get stupid I reserve the right to point it out, call you lots of inventive names and laugh like hell.
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Blogs I Like
Note: "right" either means this blogger is correct or that they lean right. I know what I mean by it. How do you take it?
- RG in The Low Country!(Right)
- Mackers World(Right)
- Ric and Georgina at Release The Hounds!(Right)
- RN at Dead Republican Presidents!
- Kat, sometimes in pajamas!
- Madtom at ThisFuckingWar! (Right)
- Michael J. Totten sets things straight!(Right)
- Maxedoutmama is a research Goddess!(Right)
- Andrightlyso! smacks on idiots!(Right)
- Where's Your Brain?(Right)
- Warm'n'fuzzy conserva-puppies>(Right)
- Crymeariverbend2 has a gnarly truth stick!(Right)
- Jeffrey at IBC is HQ for Iraqi bloggings(Right)
- The Sandmonkey cuts through the APU!(Right)
- The Lone Ranger
A Man of Rare Integrity! (Right)
- Out of the Ashes(Right)
- Tazmedic(Right) (Read the archives!)
- Amandarin(Right) (A clever friend from the other side of the street)
- Literal Lunacy
A Most Beloved Friend!
The Other Side Of The Street
(for NY Libs)
The name say it all
See? I told you I had a liberal friend!!!
I pledge to give as much of a chance to Obama as his sycophantic cultic moonbat contingent gave Bush for eight years
I pledge to contribute to global warming
I pledge to increase foreclosures on the unwashed masses
I pledge to exploit the poor and the weak
I pledge to grind my heel into the working mans back
I pledge to tell more racist jokes
I pledge to hire more illegals, and screw American workers
I pledge to pay my illegal workers lower wages
I pledge to destroy the environment
I pledge to club more baby seals
I pledge to wear more fur
I pledge to eat more meat
I pledge blindly hate people not like me
I pledge to be greedier
I pledge to be meaner
I pledge preach at you more, and tolerate you less
I pledge to work for war, because there is no money is peace
I pledge to laugh at stupid celebrities who think pledges will change the world
I pledge to be more close minded, spout more platitudes and believe in utterly empty kumbuy-friggin-yah measures while the wolves howl at the door.
What’s your pledge?
I pledge to treat their president as they treated mine, to treat them as they treated us, because together we can, together we are and together we will be following sheep.
What's your pledge?
First off, I am wondering, if we change the name of fish to sea kittens will we have a nickname for fish as we do for land cats? Land cats (for those who may live under a rock or are completely obtuse) are also called pussycats. I am certain I don’t have to lay out the obvious thought following the preceding one other than to say a whole new world opened up before me with PETA’s latest campaign.
The problems start with men and where our brains are located. Many women believe we tend to think with our stomachs. Other females believe our thought processes emanate from a little lower on the male anatomy. For us males, the prospect of confusing the pleasurable past time of fishing and eating fish with the sometimes equally gratifying diversion of lovemaking will no doubt cause our brains to cramp up and our heads to explode, thus denuding planet Earth of males capable of reproducing.
But simply calling fish something cutesy sounding won’t change the fact that they are still slimy, pointy-headed, bug-eyed but tasty creatures. It’s the confusion sown by this radical change that will no doubt make speaking about carnal delights and lunch even more interchangeable and take the connection between them to a rhetorical level never before imagined except in the minds of perhaps Larry Flynt or Camille Paglia.
I am thinking a sea kitten sandwich sounds much more exotic than a “Filet-O-Fish,” but a seapussy sandwich is in the realm of the unknown. What about catfish? Would it now be catkitten? Or catpussy maybe? It’s probably a good thing former major league pitcher James “Catfish” Hunter has left this world otherwise he would have to be known as “Catkitten” Hunter — not the kind of nickname that would ordinarily land one in the Hall of Fame. And what about SpongeBob’s loyal sidekick Patrick the Starfish? Would he now be known as Patrick the Star-Seakitten? Or the Star-Seapussy cat?
New troubles also arise in the world of sport fishing. When a man tells his wife he is going trolling, she’ll look askance at him while making certain he takes the boat with him when he leaves the house. After all, if you say you are heading out to go “kittening” and tell the wife you will be bringing some seapussy home for dinner, well, I can see the trouble brewing now with PETA’s misguided attempt to save the animals, even the tasty ones. Try it on your wife tonight and see what happens.
Other possible changes are whitefish being known as white kitten (whitepussy being trademarked by the aforementioned Mr. Flynt) and swordfish becoming sword kittens, which sounds a lot like some dagger-weilding, anime superhero. The problem of walking into a pet store and asking for kitten food is going to cause confusion not seen since Clinton muttered something about what the definition of “is” is.
On the other hand, I envision a whole new industry of sea kitten recipe books. The Brits would also have a grand time with this change of nomenclature. A nation that eagerly scarfs down seapussy and chips at lunch every day may actually help bring about world peace. Millions of kids eating seapussy sticks for school lunch, however, are certain to get Dobson and his bunch in an uproar.
Another great angle to this whole insane plan is the phrase “fishing expedition” to denote someone who is simply “casting about” in hopes of finding incriminating evidence. The phrase “sea kitten expedition” is simply too unwieldy, but the phrase “sea pussy expedition” makes it sound as it you are searching for lustful mermaids.
By far the most egregious changes which will take place must be the ones to be foisted on us when churches everywhere start giving sermons about the loaves and the seakitten. No matter how awkward the phrase, get used to it because no preacher in his right mind is going to do a sermon on the loaves and the seapussies. (If you hear of one, let me know. Now that’s a sermon I don’t want to miss.)
This is obviously not a well thought out plan by the radical anti-people screwballs, and to tell you the truth, the concept of renaming fish as sea kittens has me laughing so hard I can barely type. It also makes me wonder if anyone at PETA gave an ounce of serious thought before saying, “Hey, yeah, let’s try to get people to associate fish with kittens.” However, that is not really the worst of it.
The worst comes when we get stuck on stupid and let a bunch of misguided goofballs start making us feel guilty for eating ugly animals that taste good in some sad attempt to save the planet. God gave us ugly animals so we wouldn’t feel bad about eating them. That’s a fact. It’s in the Bible somewhere.
At the end of the day I only have two questions running through my head. First, if sea kitten tastes so good might not land kitten be tasty also? And second, where can I go to get a tuna seapussy taco?
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