Kenders' Musings

A Saudi Cleric declared, while giving a talk about Islam’s position on mice during a program on al-Majd TV, an Arab television network, that mice are unclean and must be killed. Extending his remarks Sheikh Muhammad Munajid claimed even Mickey Mouse and Tom, from the comedy team of Tom and Jerry should be killed. Claiming Mickey Mouse is “one of Satan's soldiers” he said these cartoons have taught children that mice are, in fact, lovable.

Speaking from a safe house in an undisclosed location Mr. Mouse, longtime front man of the Disney Corporation and star of countless cartoons said “I challenge Sheikh Munajids claim that mice or not lovable. Now, I am not speaking out of class here but I have personally known several extremely lovable mice, myself not included, and just last night was privileged to be in the company of an extremely lovable mouse named Veronica.”

The uproar in the toon community this morning is cacophonous with several well known toons coming out of retirement to speak at a press conference this morning in front of Paramount Studios. Foghorn Leghorn, joining forces with Yosemite Sam led the collected toons and the reporters in a rousing version of God Bless America before giving statements to the press.

“This is, I say, this is the most obtuse statement I have heard, listen to me, boy, I aint talking to hear my lips flap, I say this is the silliest thing I have heard since Huckleberry attended the Oscars in a tutu.” Said Mr. Leghorn

Yosemite Sam, defying the call for his longtime friend and favorite fishing buddy Mickey to be killed said “Why, if one of them varmints comes around here lookin’ to hurt a hair on his head he’s agonna hafta go thru me and afore I start to shootin’ you’ll be hearing me a hollerin "GET OUTTA HERE YA RACKIN' FRACKIN' NAZIT-TRAP OR I'LL....." at which point Mr. Sam shot off several rounds into the ground causing him to rise several inches in the air.

Reached at his backwoods Montana retreat, Tom the Cat, of the Oscar winning Comedy Duo Tom and Jerry called into question the sanity of those who would listen to someone calling on others to kill toons. Mr. Cat issued a statement this morning;

“While I certainly am willing to give Sheikh Munajids a chance to speak his mind, I would like to remind him that without any Dip to destroy toons his words are simply empty rhetoric.”

Dip, the only liquid known to destroy a toon outside of bad ratings or Embassy destroying protests in third world countries, has been banned by treaty since the late 1940’s. In late 1947 Judge Doom, a renegade cartoon, attempted to use Dip to kill all of the toons and sell Toon Town to developers. A Department of Defense analysis of Saudi Arabia’s Dip Production capability claims it is “highly unlikely” the Saudi’s are producing Dip. An unnamed source in the Pentagon who requested anonymity said "Shiekh Munajid's call to kill Mickey Mouse is simply rhetoric as the Saudi's don't have the capability to produce Dip much less deliver it".

While toons are up in arms and making defense plans for Toon Town it seems most Muslims aren’t paying attention to this story. Reached for comment regarding the Sheikh’s words, Mohammed Al Mohammed Al Fitwadi Al’aMode, a Hollywood ice cream vendor, said “Muslims do not consider cartoons to be unclean or in need of killing. In fact some of the old cartoons in the newspaper when I was growing up not only reflected the culture but were highly educational. Without them I would never had known the Holocaust was a media ploy from the Jews.”

While the Muslim world has an ever expanding history of protesting cartoons and calling for the deaths of those who create them it is believed this is the first time a cleric has actually called for the death of the toon itself. Several prominent toons, including the President of the Toon Actors Guild, Bugs Bunny, idly wondered if protests against Islamic cartoons calling for the death of America and Jews would be perceived as hateful. Calling on Muslims everywhere to stand up for the good in their religion, Mr. Bunny said “Ya’ know Doc, these fellows is a bunch of maroons, some real pathetic palookas and what I don’t understand is why they can have cartoons saying Jews use the blood of gentiles in their holiday meals but Mickey can’t drive a steamboat. It just makes no sense is all.”

Ever since the story broke in the China News toons all over have been heading back to Toon Town for safety. Perceived as a safe haven for toons and other Animated Americans, Toon Town exists in a quasi-parallel universe in a corner of Hollywood, California, somewhere between Saks Fifth Avenue and Tony Romas. Some toons have said they wouldn’t go down without a fight and rumors swirling in Hollywood gossip circles have G.I. Joe supplying the more militant toons with arms. Wile El-Coyote al Adhidri, former partner of The Roadrunner and a long time convert to Islam, said orders for giant mousetraps and portable holes are up 87.5% since last night. Mr. Coyote, head of Acme Toon Supplies called the panic uncalled for and overblown. Stating those who follow Islam do not hate toons, he said one clerics denunciation of Mickey Mouse is simply one clerics opinion.

“He’s not my cleric, and enshallah he won’t be anyone else’s for too long. Myself and several other well known toons who converted to Islam after realizing the Inner Peace it brings have realized Islam must have its’ reformation. In fact we’re holding a conference on it next week in Djibouti” said Wile El-Coyote al Adhidri.

The Toon Union is planning to send a delegation to Saudi Arabia to speak on behalf of toons everywhere. Their spokesrabbit, Roger, issued a statement on behalf of the 30 thousand strong International Toon and Animated Workers Union, “Calling for the death of any toon is unacceptable. This union wishes to remind everyone that without the groundbreaking work by toons not only in the entertainment industry but in several fields we have cures for diseases which were unable to be studied using traditional methods. Toons have played, and will continue to play a vital role in furthering humanity and toondom and calling for the death of toons who have done so much for humanity is unacceptable behavior.”